How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum

How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum

The only people who find temper tantrums amusing are the child's grandparents because it's payback time as they watch their children struggle with their kids' tantrums.

When dealing with temper tantrums, your job is two-fold: 1. To rid the child of the behavior and convey that tantrums are not acceptable; 2. To teach children how to ask for things in an appropriate way.

Tantrums usually start before age two, when children experiment with different ways to get what they want: they can say "please," wait until later, or throw a fit. Unfortunately, they usually prefer the latter.

Steps

Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly. The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum.
Stem your own rising frustration level -- spend a few moments away from your child. The time-out has a calming effect for both of you. Put your child in his room with a gate in front of the door if necessary.
Ignore the tantrum. Above all, don't reward it. The tantrum will more quickly subside if it's ignored. If the parents give in, tantrums become a launching point for the child - a way to deal with the world socially.
Avoid trying to reason with any child who is in the middle of a full-blown tantrum, especially in a public place. Who hasn't experienced at least one tantrum at church or in the grocery store?
Leave the scene, even if just for a few minutes. Go to the crying room at church (Yes, that's what it's there for!), to the car, or even the restroom to allow your child and you to regain control.
Allow for our human nature. When a child loses control, give him/her time to vent their frustration. Then talk with them about better ways to handle the situation next time.
Offer your child a choice of coping strategies. For example, your son wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner. Say: "Johnny, you're really getting upset now. Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him a choice -- either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he won't influence others.
Remember to compliment him when he makes the correct choice: "You asked for ice cream and I said no. I want to thank you for taking no for an answer."
Have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset. Guide him to his room and firmly insist that he remain there. (This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old -- the benefit of starting young!)
Insist that your child stay in "timeout" until he is ready to be calm and control himself.

Tips

Have a plan: When facing a trouble spot, such as the grocery store's checkout counter, discuss the situation with your child ahead of time. For example: "Susie, the last few times we've had trouble at the checkout counter. From now on, here's what we'll do: When you get to the checkout counter, I'll let you choose a package of gum IF you can behave yourself until then. If you scream and yell because you want more, then you won't be able to have any gum. Now, Susie, tell me what we're going to do?" (Child should then repeat the directions back to you.) Once the plan is understood by both of you, there's no need to explain it all again at checkout time. If Susie behaves, she will be rewarded as planned; if not, she loses out. She already knows the rules.
By the age of 6, the child starts to change the external guidance system (parents) into the internal guidance system (conscience). Learning self-control is a monumental task.
Children need both positive and negative reinforcement. While it may be good idea to offer a pack of gum if the child behaves in the checkout line, they also need to understand that a punishment for misbehaving will also be in effect.
Final word, never reprimand your child when you are upset at what they did. Calm down and call them afterwards explaining the situation. If need be let them pass judgment.

Warnings

Don't cave in just to avoid embarrassment, which also teaches the child to perform for a crowd. Although parents feel as though all eyes are upon them. when their child acts up in public, the reality is most onlookers are saying, "Go for it", when they see parents setting reasonable limits for their child.
Most especially, never ever surrender to your child's temper tantrums at home. Learn to handle them at home, then you have less reason to be embarrassed in a public place.
Some might say this sound like a boot camp especially by those who do not have children. Always remember that kids will test that line at all times. It's up to you if you want to control that habit now or you want the Govt. to control it by jailing them.