Don't Sweat the Small Stuff -- Secrets of Simplifying Made Very Simple

Richard Carlson, PhD 

Lightening your physical load by throwing garage sales, giving away your old clothes and moving to a smaller house won't automatically give you peace of mind.

To achieve calmness you need to break free of the mind-cluttering habits, worries and distractions that tie you in knots. Your life will be simpler only if you work on freeing your mind. Here are some practical steps you can take now...

ESSENTIALS OF SIMPLIFYING

Give yourself periods of "no phone calls" time. The telephone is one of the most regularly stressful distractions of life. It can be helpful to set aside a certain time of the day when you turn off the ringer or don't answer the phone at all except in the midst of real emergencies.

Get an answering machine to take your calls so you can return them later.

Make a list of personal priorities. Write them down on a sheet of paper and put the list away for a week or two. After some time has gone by, take out the list and reread it.

Ask yourself how you have spent your time and whether your actions were consistent with your list. If so, congratulations! If not, begin taking steps to line up your behavior with your priorities.

Learn to love voice mail. It can be a huge time-saver and an excellent way to pass along information without being interrupted.

Example: Return telephone calls in the evening if you can answer specific questions on voice mail. This takes only a minute or two versus engaging in a 10- to 15-minute conversation.

Learn to say no without guilt. The problem with always saying yes is twofold. It makes you feel overwhelmed, stressed and tired. And you end up doing things you don't want to or shouldn't be doing -- all the while acting, on the surface, as if everything is just fine.

Helpful: When the request is made, ask yourself, "All things considered, is it in my best interest to say yes, or is it okay to refuse?" Put in this perspective, there are probably many instances when it's perfectly fine to say no.

Give yourself an extra 10 minutes. Instead of always rushing, start out 10 minutes early instead of waiting until the last possible moment. You will find yourself with plenty of time to spare and less stressed out in the process.

Create a "selfish" ritual. When you have what you need in an emotional sense, you have plenty left over for others. Rituals can be as simple as squeezing exercise into your daily routine, browsing bookstores or having a quiet cup of coffee before work. The point is, it's your time -- a special part of the day reserved just for you.

Let yourself off the hook. We often try to do everything. We work hard, stay organized, try our best to be good parents, spouses, friends and concerned citizens. Sometimes it's too much.

Remind yourself that it's impossible to be all things to all people all the time.

Example: If you forget an appointment, don't berate yourself for being stupid. Instead, view the mistake as a signal that you probably have too much on your plate.

Speak softly. When you speak too quickly and with a loud voice, the energy you send out into the world is frantic and nervous. People around you will feel pressured and slightly agitated. Speak more softly and you may discover that you begin to feel calmer and less stressed. Next, you'll discover that everyone around you will quickly start to quiet down, too.

Embrace change. Truth is, everything is in a constant state of change -- our bodies, homes, children. We can fight and resist change or surrender and embrace it.

The problem with resistance is it's a losing battle -- 100% of the time. When we try to resist the inevitable, we cause ourselves great pain and sorrow and miss out on a great deal of potential joy.

When we embrace change, we open the door to a far more peaceful existence. Then life becomes more of an adventure and each step seems more special and important.

Eliminate the "rat race" mentality. One of the problems of thinking about and discussing your job/life as being stuck in the rat race is that it sets you up to be frightened, impatient and annoyed. Decide to stop talking about your situation that way. Instead, recharacterize it in healthful ways.

Example: Instead of saying, "I spent my day in boring meetings listening to arguments and dealing with constant conflict," try "The art of my work is bringing people together who, on the surface, don't seem to get along very well. It's a good thing I'm there to help." Can you feel the difference?

Don't dramatize deadlines. A lot of deadline stress comes not from the deadlines themselves, but instead from the energy wasted thinking about them, wondering whether we'll meet them, feeling sorry for ourselves and, perhaps most of all, commiserating with others about them.

Working toward your goal without the interference of negative mental energy makes any job more manageable.

Create a bridge between your spirituality and your life's work. This means taking the essence of who you are and what you believe into your work space. If kindness, patience, honesty and generosity are spiritual qualities that you believe in, make every effort to practice them at work.

Example: If it's your job to reprimand someone, do so from a place of love and respect. Creating this spiritual bridge will remind you of a higher purpose and put your problems and concerns into a broader context.

Take breaks. Failure to take regular breaks not only wears you down, but also makes you less productive. While you may not feel it at the time, slowly but surely, frustration will sneak up on you. You'll become less patient and less attentive.

Over time, you'll burn out more quickly and your creativity and insights will slowly fade away. Breaks don't have to be disruptive or last very long. Usually all we need is a few minutes every hour or so to clear our heads, stretch our arms -- and get some air.

It's like pressing the reset button and providing ourselves with a fresh start.

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